Piers Morgan Forced Into Hiding When His Tweet Mocking Daniel Craig For Carrying His Baby Enrages Fathers Worldwide

Well done, Piers. When the internet rallies against you, keep tweeting. That’s how you win, my friend. “Never give up, never surrender,” said Churchill. Is it a bad look for James Bond to carry his kid that way? I don’t mind that so much as the rolled-down soccer socks and the kneecap-length spandex. Or the fact that he looks like he stole that child in the middle of the night to bring it to the bad giants from the BFG for breakfast. But he makes up for it with his work in Layer Cake, Munich, Casino Royale, and Skyfall. Would be cool if he could get Q to chef up some sort of jet-pack equipped drone papoose that could whisk the baby to a safe height where it could deliver air strikes like a lethal, modern warfare Cupid. Instead, it appears to be your run-of-the-mill polka-dotted papoose with way too many damn straps. I suppose he could sling that whole rig up to the sky and it would undoubtedly wrap its tendrils around some telephone pole.

How about Captain America tossing in his two cents? (And by two cents, I mean 373,000 likes and 66,000 retweets.)

Cool thoughts, Cap. I can see why Tony Stark hated your self-righteousness. Hey, remember that time you and Hawkeye called black widow a slut? Hmmm. Don’t throw PC stones if you live in glass, non-PC house. And it’s pretty easy to be comfortable with your masculinity when the government has beefed you up with more steroids than the 90s MLB.

All these libcucks are whining about how Piers is “nervous about his masculinity” or “terrified on the inside.” I would say that it takes a far bigger man to run head-first into the gauntlet of internet ire, knowing that every parent on twitter will say your dick is small and unresponsive because YOU had the balls to call out James Bond for wearing a papoose. Keep on keepin’ on, Piers.

PS- an old Barstool Sports blog from June of 2017 in no way reflects this author’s current, adapted viewpoint on the courageous Piers Morgan.